National Home Birth Day

Happy National Home Birth Day.
Storee is my one and only home birth. I wouldn’t have changed a thing.

I woke up after 6 am thinking my stomach was upset from the food the night before. I even went and laid back down for 20 min!!! I was finally too uncomfortable around 7 and had to take a shower. My husband woke up then and I told him to go back to bed. He had been working so much I didn’t see a reason to bother him.

I’m so glad he decided to stay up. My oldest at this point is awake and getting me banana popsicles. I have texted everyone. My midwife was first and foremost. At first it was “I think I’m in labor”. After the nausea and contractions set in I texted “I am for sure in labor. She is amazing and was already on her way. The great thing about living in the rural area is my midwife living over 1.5 hours away.

I sat on my ball to try and release some pressure. I told my husband I was going to get in the bath until the birthing pool was done. He was so sweet cleaning up and checking on me. By this point my other three kiddos were awake. Kasen and Cayden were wanting to help any way possible. While Jaxon helped by playing with Nova.

Around 7:30 people are calling and texting wondering how fast they should get here. My sweet husband is telling them “it’ll still be a few hours don’t rush”. My previous births took me hours of laboring.

I am in the bath tub lights off talking to God. Contraction – “lord as soon as someone gets here to watch the kids I’m going to the hospital and getting the epidural. I’m sorry I thought I could do this”
Coming down- “lord you made women’s body’s for this very moment. I can do this. I am empowered. I love you. Thank you for this opportunity. I am made for this.
The whole time picture my baby moving down.
She was a surprise gender so I just pictured a baby not named.

All of a sudden my water popped and her head was out. My body by itself pushed out my baby. It was so shocking yet accelerating. FER is a real thing y’all.

I tried calling for Cam but he was busy and I’m not sure how loud I actually was.

Two nights prior a video was on my YouTube. I had never watched the creators and I had been through so many birthing videos. I thought okay I’ll watch it. That was God. The video taught me exactly what I needed to do next.

I checked for the umbilical cord around the baby’s neck(totally normal btw). Gently put my fingers through and unwrapped the cord. At that point my body finished pushing.

I then know I hollered for Cam and oh how I wish I was able to record his face.

So Sweet Storee’s birth was an accidental unassisted home birth 🤍.

Week Long Break From Social Media

I prayed. I argued. Finally I caved.

One of the best things you can do for yourself is listen to what God is wanting from you. It’s for a reason! Waiting it out is only going to affect you.

When I followed through with what he wanted from me it was like a breath of fresh air. I was able to see again. I was able to get out of my phone and back into life.

I really encourage you to do the same. Take the break and enjoy it. Don’t feel obligated to stay on. Don’t feel obligated to post. Even if it is for your job, you deserve the break. You deserve to see clearly again.

3 Tips to Make 2023 Different.

How are we going to make 2023 different then 2022? We are going to CONSCIOUSLY choose to. “Well it’s not that simple Emmelee. I can’t just choose to. I have *fill in blank*.

Yea well guess what. I can and have filled in the blank. However, when I started choosing not to, I was able to get a lot more done.

3. Make the choice everyday of doing something(anything) to make that day better then before. This could be something small, throwing out trash. This could be big, exercising, reading, and decluttering. Every day will look different. However, if you actively choose everyday there will be gradual changes that will become habits. Today I read my Bible and planned what I wanted to read. Yesterday, I packed a bag full of donations. Two days ago I did a fifteen minute workout. They may all be different but they all made my life better.

2. DO NOT pick a goal for someone else. If you are doing something because “Sassy Susie” told you to, it most likely won’t get done. Not only that but it doesn’t matter if it does. If it isn’t for you then it’s not truly going to benefit you. You’ll still be feeling crummy afterwards. I personally pray about my goals. Every time I go to set them, I make sure they are mine. I want them to be tangible by me.

1. Write this down. Write it down multiple times. Put it somewhere where you will see it. It is more likely to happen if you write it down. Write the steps to your goals. Type it down. Just please write it down. That way you know exactly what you’re doing and how you are doing it.

This is not easy. This will be work. It will be worth it! YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Talking About It Or Being About It

Every year at the beginning of the year what do we hear “My goals”, “This year I will”, “I’m going to”. I’m not judging; we all do this. Even those that say they don’t… they do. I am just open enough to admit it.

So what will make this year different? What is going to change? How will you change? The answer to all three is “YOU”. You are actively choosing to change. You are making the choices every day to be different.

Is it even worth the time? Is this something you want? Is this something attainable? These are questions you really need to ask yourself. If you aren’t lined up to succeed you won’t. If you have a goal with no plan it’s a wish. If you have this out of world goal with an unreasonable time limit… most likely not gonna happen.

So let’s get real. Let’s be real. I don’t care if every other year you didn’t get it. I don’t care if you fell through with what you said. This year can and will be different if you make it different.

You Are Talking About It.

You Are Being About It.

People Pleasing or God Pleasing

I have an internal aspect about me that I feel I need to explain myself to others. In my head they aren’t excuses because no one is asking for them I’m just letting the other person know what happened or why I did something(or didn’t).

It didn’t occur to me until Christmas break when I was kind half praying. Ya know praying and scrolling or praying and thinking about your own outcome (just be real). It hit me “you owe her nothing. You owe me everything”. I was so worried about a situation in my personal life. I was debating if I should message this person trying to explain why I hadn’t done something. I was so worried! My mind was wondering so far that I was worrying my kids were going to hate me when they grew up and how terrible of a mom I am. How this person was going to be laughing at me and how she must be right I’m just awful and my husband should divorce me. Literally my mind was down the rabbit trail. I was praying “please lord. This person makes me so uncomfortable please God guide me where you want me. Guide me so I don’t have to feel bad. Show me or better yet show her I didn’t mean to.

“You owe her nothing. You owe me everything”. I had spent most of my time worrying over this person that I owe nothing to. I hadn’t thanked God for what he gave me. I didn’t give him the praise he deserves. I was just wining to him. I owe this person nothing. No matter how bad she will make me feel or how nasty she talks to me and about me. I owe her nothing. As long as I am doing exactly what God wants from me then I am okay. Am I going to fail yes but I will ask forgiveness. I need to go on his path and focus on where he put me. This person is going to talk regardless of which path I choose. So why not let them talk knowing I’m right where God put me.

Stay prayed up is my 2023 saying. I encourage you all to do it too. I hope this inspires you to be whoever Jesus made you to be and be confident because God doesn’t make mistakes. 💕

The Night Before

I ran back into the house up to the loft to get the lamp shade she wanted. I had already ran in three times and thought that I was finally going to relax in the van. It hit me hard that I HAD to take that lamp shade to Star that night. Mind you I still have a dress to take Jess but nope had to take that lampshade. At the time I thought it was one less thing that was in my house, now I know it was my reason to visit. I visit Star multiple times a week, talk almost daily. I could have easily took the lamp shade to school the next day to give it to Chris. I get there, squeeze Mr. Squishy’s cheeks (per the usual), he gave me some sweet loves. Star said “he hadn’t been wanting anyone and he just went straight to you”. It was short time and he went right back to his Mommy. Jon runs the shades into the house. We are talking and I ask Star to get in the van and bring the baby. Storee is the only one with me. I was doing some laundry at the laundry mat, the wash was done and I needed to switch it over before it closed. She said sure why not. On the way there we are chatting, Jacob is smiling, Storee wakes up from her nap. I run in to switch my laundry over and of course Star had to get Storee out of the car seat. The “twins” were laughing, holding hands, talking to one another, like they always did. We visit the entire dryer time. I drop her back off, give loves, and go get the rest of my crew.

At the time it was spir of the moment decisions. I thought I was being an air head just going here and there. Now I know that was God giving me the one last night of loves. I regret not getting a picture so bad. I gather all of this, God has the exact plan mapped out. He knew what I was going to need before I ever did. Even though I disagree with his plan on taking Jacob home so soon, this shows me he loves us. This gives me comfort. Every little detail God lined up so perfectly and I get to cherish it forever.

One week has flew by but now I’m one week closer to seeing Mr. Squishy and our amazing Heavenly Father.

Open Letter To My Forever Oldest Three Kids

I am so angry. Why can’t I have what I want in life. I see other people, mean people, get exactly what they want in life. I watch as they gloat at others who just don’t have it as good as them.

I know everyone has felt this way. I know I am not the only one to question God. Why do I feel so alone? Will it always be this way?

I am hurting. I want to be free.

My kids who I got to physically love for two years were never supposed to be ripped from me. The agreement was we keep contact. The agreement was that we would always get to be there.

You lied. You manipulated. Yet you won.

Today as I sit, I think about the fact it has been almost 3 years since I have got to hug them. I haven’t got to see their smiles. I wish so badly I could.

I pray everyday that they know just how much we love them. I pray for God to send that love to them.

This is a long shot but an open letter to Chloe, Isaiah, and Bentley.

You are amazing kids. You’re life is meant for greatness. You have been through more in a short time then most go through in all of their life. Do not ever let anyone dull your light. Y’all keep enjoying childhood. Enjoy smiling, laughing, hugging, playing, joking, and all the little moments around it. I cannot wait to hear about it one day.

Love,

Emme

It’s Time I Speak Up

Growing up I was so different then most other kids. My parents had me at 16 and 20. They were split up my entire life. My mother’s parents did a big part of my raising. So it was so many different opinions around me I didn’t know which way to turn.

I do know for the most part I was to “save face”. We don’t talk about the ugly in life. Even if it is our truth. We keep it quiet. Why am I not allowed to speak up about my life.

This post is the end to that. I am so tired of being silenced. I am allowed to feel and speak exactly how I want to.

I love telling the people that already know the truth my life in 2022 has been a trip. I had a baby in the bathtub, my dad got a girl younger then me pregnant, and my mom got a divorce after 19 years while keeping it a secret for a month.

All this I would be told “it isn’t your place to tell”. Okay but it effects me. It changed my future. It has an outcome on my life. Why can’t I speak on it?

Was this a rant… Yes.

Is this just the start…. Probably.

Holding Back Up My Child

I have 3 children (all boys) school age right now. Two are seven and one is five. All of my boys attended Headstart. Both of my seven year olds attended kindergarten in public school. So they have the school mindset.

While in kindergarten one of my kiddos received “yellow” once the whole year. My other however received “yellow” more times then not. Okay different teachers, first time in “real school”, kids will be kids. However, my child showed out. Some of the phone calls I got I had to laugh so I wouldn’t get mad (if you know you know).

For many reasons for their first grade year I decided to homeschool. I love the idea of unschooling/homeschooling. I love that I get to see my children so much. I legit hate leaving them. We’ve learned a lot about each other. I’ve learned how each one of my kids are different. I learned that not everything is set in stone.

One of my seven year olds went through all of first grade work right into second grade. My other didn’t. I could see him struggling. I seen him trying to focus or guess just to get it over with. I watched as time soared by and he was still stuck on the same page. I learned that for him I can’t explain the directions and walk away. He needs undivided attention. I was frustrated sometimes. He was frustrated sometimes. It was a learning curve.

So when my husband and I decided to purchase more work. I suggested he continued to work on the first grade level. I explained to him it was just extra practice. It was different material so he wasn’t completing the same work as before. Essentially though… I held him back. He had to stay at the first grade level.

I know that doing that I was also holding him up. I was giving him the time and material he needed. I didn’t limit him to what others thought he should have done. I allowed him to go at his own speed. This was without the embarrassment of having to watch his class move forward. This was without his brother getting to change halls and not him. This was just between our family.

As I watch him getting excited to complete his work I get excited. I see the “light bulb”. I see him learning. He isn’t embarrassed. He is happy. One day he said “I love doing this. This work is so much easier now”. That made my momma heart burst. I made the right choice. The choice I got to make alone. I got to make solely for him and him alone.

Now our days are still long. We are all still learning. Some days are inevitably going to be better then others. But the day I realized I held my child up will always be a highlight.

What the future holds, who knows. I don’t even know if I will always homeschool. However, I know for right now I will continue being their mom and teacher.

Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started